I have written about this topic in-depth before and even written a movie about it, but the truth is there is a stand off between men and women in church circles ( or maybe even the world!)
What do I mean? I am talking about how ridiculously complicated it is to get to know someone of the opposite sex in a romantic way. (and yes I am speaking from my own experience).
So here is the problem (from the guys perspective).
They stand from afar and admire the girl of their dreams. Her golden flaxen hair. Her beautiful spiritual eyes. The boy’s single and hapless friends decide to chime in and give him advice about how girls love large romantic gestures and confessions of true love. The boy agrees and comes up with the gesture of the century, let’s say a dozen long stem roses, a lovely hand written love letter with a bible verse (probably Proverbs 31 cause she’s awesome that way) and a iPod loaded with love songs.
The night is set and he goes over to her place and leaves the present on her doorstep and waits for the girl to madly fall in love with him.
A day goes by. Nothing
2 days go by. Nothing
3 days go by. Nothing
The boy is going stir crazy. “What happened to my plan?” he thinks, “I’m pretty sure I left my number in the card?”
The boy asks his friends if he did the right thing and they all assure him that he did. They all tell him it’s because she is shy.
He is confused and decides to confront her.
The church service has ended and the boy plans his route towards the girl. He nervously wanders up to her and in a creaky voice says “hi”.
She turns around and sees him. Immediately the boy sees fear in her eyes. She nervously says “hi”.
The boy asks if she got the present, she says she did.
The boy asks what she thought and she replies she doesn’t feel the same way, but assures the boy he is a really nice guy. She gives the boy an awkward side hug.
The boy smiles bravely and walks away.
So some of you out there are thinking “he totally did the right thing!”
Well you’d be wrong!
Basically if I was to translate the scenario for you from the girls end it’s this:
Some guy whom you don’t know from a bar of soap leaves a present and a note confessing his love on your doorstep. The first thing that comes to mind is “loves me? This guy doesn’t even know me!”
He then confronts you at church and you puts you in an awkward situation of letting you down gently in front of all her friends.
Ok so what to do
First off, don’t listen to your single friends who have a really bad track record of getting together with the ladies no matter how convincing they sound. They are single for a reason and overcomplicate things.
Secondly, get to know the girl first in a “let’s be friends” situation. If you guys can’t be “just friends” you’re going to have bupkiss chance of being more than friends.
Thirdly, when you take her out on date make sure you keep it pretty casual. Don’t go all out on some hot air balloon ride with champagne and caviar. It’s your first date! She might not even like caviar! Save your A-material for later when you’re sure she is one for you. Oh and also make sure you :
- Smell good
- dress well
- and compliment her on what she is wearing
- don’t confess your love (at least not for a little while. Maybe after date 4? Haha)
Chill out. Have a good time. And remember “Coffee does not equal marriage”.
Oh and if you need a movie to watch on your first date, make sure it isn’t this one!!!
Ps. I’m also working on a new short “The look”. Have a look at this sneak peak.